10 things you didn't know about me

Ok guys were going to get a little personal today. This post is supposed to be 10 things you didn’t know about me. This was a hard post for me to write because I am a pretty open person. In order for me to share things people don’t know I have to get kind of personal. I don’t often share some of these facts. I am a little self-conscience about these but here we go. Please don’t judge.

1. I am terrified of High places

I am not sure where this originated from but at one point, I couldn’t even stand on a chair to hang things up. It has gotten better as I have gotten older but I still don’t like to be up really high.

2. I used to have severe nightmares

I would have severe panic attacks because of them, they would be so bad that I would not be able to breath and I would wake up gasping for air. Worse thing is after waking up I would not be able to remember what I had dreamed and couldn’t tell anyone about them.

3. I used to sleep walk

I would sleepwalk into the living room sit down on the couch and carry on a conversation with you and then get up and go back to bed and never remember any of it the next day. I got worried about this as I got older and now, I sleep with the bed pushed against the wall and my husband sleeps on the outer side of the bed, so I can’t get out of bed without him knowing. I haven’t done it in a really long time but the fact that I could do something and not remember it scared me to death.

4. I have a really hard time trusting people

If you have made it through my “wall” and are what I consider a friend consider yourself lucky. I don’t let many past. I am thinking this stems from some people in my past that I was supposed to trust didn’t live up to their word and broke the trust and now I doubt everyone and I feel like everyone will at some point break the trust that has been built.

5. I am afraid to allow myself to be happy

I know that it sounds crazy, but its true every time I feel happy, I always feel like it won’t last. I literally wait for the bad to happen.

6. My children are far better people than I have ever been or will be

This I am glad about though; it means my husband and I are doing something right. My husband and I have tried to make the kids live as good as possible. This shows by them always being the first to volunteer to help anyone. I actually had an experience when my son was in 3rd or 4th grade I got called in for a meeting with his teacher and the principal, I was told to was to discuss what to do about a bully that was teasing him at the time. I was asked if I could tell my son not to help out so much, I asked them what they meant and they said he was opening doors for the girls and picking up pencils and carrying their books, coat, backpacks etc. The teacher felt this was the reason the bully was picking on him, so could I ask my son not to do this anymore, my response was doing this behavior bothering the girls/ teachers that he was helping? The teacher said no but your son is being picked on and I feel its because he is to nice. I asked him where the bully was that was picking on my son and why he was not being talked to about his behavior. Why was my son in trouble for being a gentleman?

The teacher did not really say anything, I told the teacher that in this world there are far to many disrespectful children and that my son has respect and I will not ask him to change that and if the little bully still wanting to pick on him I would go higher up the chain and file a complaint that nothing was being done.

I did talk to my son about it but all I said was he needed to ask if he could help first and get permission, truth be told I couldn’t have stopped him anyway even if I wanted him to. He is a sweet and kind kid both of my children are and they were taught to respect their elders and for my son to respect women. So, when women ask where all the gentlemen/good guys gone, maybe in grade school their parents were asked to make them stop being so nice.

7. I am lost without something to do

As some of you know I am recently without work, this is a hard transition for me, I went from 10 years of working pretty much everyday to waking up and not having really anything to do. The last time I was at home my daughter was in diapers and my son was in kindergarten, (daughter is now 13 and son is 16) so even when I was home before I had a lot to do. So, this is a weird transition. My husband suggested that I write until I find something else. I have started up my blog again and I am trying to finish 2 novels I started writing way back.

8. My husband is my everything

My husband keeps me from totally going crazy, he keeps me anchored and helps me to try things I would never think of doing. He has given me the confidence in myself to succeed.

9. I look at life as an adventure book

I feel that life always has choices, even if the choices don’t seem the greatest, they are still choices. I feel if the wrong choices are made that the same results will end up happening in the future it just might take longer to get to that result. I also feel that death is just the beginning of a new adventure and that the ones that have pasted on don’t really leave us they stay around to help influence us in the decisions that we need to make. I mean haven’t we all been faced with a decision and said to ourselves what would my loved on do? I also feel that we are meant to sense them but not see them because we haven’t learned what were supposed to yet.

10. My grandparents were the constant in my life when I was a kid

Especially my grandma, I was named after her and I want to honor her name and be the person she would want me to be and not shame it, I haven’t always felt like that, at one point I hated my name. I felt like it was an old and strange name no one had ever really heard of it. Kids were cruel and would tease me relentlessly for it, But I realized that I was going to be teased any way. My grandma was an amazing person. She taught me so much about self-less love and compassion, she is the reason I went into the medical field. She taught me that you can be a strong person and still be a lady while doing it. She was my beacon when things were the darkest. I would get woke up sometimes in the middle of the night and my mom would tell me to run straight to grandmas and no matter what time it was my grandma was always there and would always open the door and take me in.

Well thanks for reading today, what secrets do you have that are hard for you to share? This was a hard post for me to write, I try not to share the bad and try to focus on the positive. See you next time.